What did one atom tell another?
– I think i lost an electron
– Are you sure?
– Yes, I’m positive.
A small piece of sodium which lived in a testtube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. ´Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever i see you!´ said the sodium. The bunsen burner replied: ´It´s just a phase you´re going through´.
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: ” Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: “No, but I know where I am”.
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: ‘ How much for a beer’ The bartender looks at him and says: ‘For you, it’s no charge’.
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
– Because it was polar.
What do dipoles say in passing?
– Have you got a moment?
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? – A KNiFe.
What happens when electrons lose their energy?
– They get Bohr’d
Why are chemists great for solving problems?
– They have all the solutions.
Do you know what happened to the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
– He just couldn’t put it down.
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
– Because it’s basic stuff.
Q: If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall into water, which one would dissolve faster?
A: The bear in Alaska because it´s polar.
Q: Where does one put the dishes?
A: In the Zinc.
What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin? Answer: Polar Bond.
A physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. The physicist chose the fire, which gave humanity the power over matter. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
“Why a thermos bottle?” the others asked.
“Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer.”
“Yes — so what?”
“Think about it.” said the mystic reverently. That little bottle — how does it *know*?”